eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
