fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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