Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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