If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Randomize
