she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
