Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
