Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
