it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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