the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
