I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So much rum. So many feels.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
