You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
