Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
