I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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