My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
