Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
