well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
