I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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