I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
