Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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