you didnt know i had herpes?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
