Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
