In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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