I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
