That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
