I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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