I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
