Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
