Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
