R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
