I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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