Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
