I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
