maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I enjoy the company of your penis
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
