I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
