It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
