Sponge bath it is.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
