i think my tv is drunk
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
