just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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