I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
