Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
