a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
