i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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