I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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