I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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