Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
