i don't like sucking hair
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
