I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Randomize
