my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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