I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
