Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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