Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
