I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
