Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
